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A cluttered mind

It seems the universe has not found too many patient ears for some time. Relentless dreams and visions have started playing tricks on my sense of reality. My body demands longer hours of isolation, to sleep.. to wander in the world of the mind and soak in everything. I would not have been perturbed if the visions did not start, so blatantly, borrowing images from my mortal existence. I am trying to chronicle the flow of dreams so far and I hope it will help me make sense of them all.

I am not sure of the time when I saw this dream, it could have been late on Saturday morning. It was part graphics or maybe just a burst of activity that I could not see through but what I saw very clearly was a floating lotus-shaped figure. I could recognise it instantly and yet I hesitated, even when it was closed I could feel that not was not a good sign. And then, it opened as if it's trance had been broken by my presence and that's when I recognised it fully. A third eye. An angry third eye! I panicked in my sleep. Knowing that it was a very powerful vision and more so because there was no way I could comprehend. I stuck to the basic idea that I must have offended my spiritual growth by worldly meanderings or maybe my spirit was demanding more information to filter through and was expressing it resentment at my inability to do so. On reading about it today, I saw the references to Shiva's angry third eye that threatened destruction on whatever it set itself on. Yet, the prayers I offered this afternoon to him seemed welcome. I gather then, that he is warning me of impending doom that I may call upon myself if I do not utilise the knowledge that has been imparted to me by the universe.

I can attribute much of the anger and dissent in the energy around me to my own lethargy. I should know better. I was told long before lethargy took over my being, that it is going to be one of the biggest reasons for my downfall. "I can help anyone but the one that chooses to be lazy," the guru had said. I have gone back to the thought often and have tried and eliminated as much of the evil as possible but like all things evil, it keeps coming back. Creeping up on me when I am least expecting it. In my lethargy, my visions become more random and the one I saw this afternoon is yet growing upon the clutter of my mind. The information I have gathered from the books I have been reading, the failing health of a beloved, my faith and my hopes were all blended together into a dream sequence of this afternoon and I was delighted at being with my beloved in his hour of illness and yet I find it perverse that I found happiness in his frailty.

Returning to the solutions, I found many of those as well. The bright blue summer sun reminded me that I could never tire of the duty that I have so willingly undertaken and made me smile in hope. A single moment of prayer cautioned me against a growing weakness and made me sit up in surprise. But then again, nothing about me surprises me anymore, not for long. It was shocking to suddenly realise that my weakness is vanity. My efforts towards building a healthy self-esteem led me to a new high, pride. I am suddenly very proud of how I appear! It's shameful indeed. To look down upon others because I think I am beautiful is such a terrible shame. I am glad that I am aware of it now and will work towards correcting my attitude immedeatly.

Yet again, I wish to thank the universe for being so kind and so patient with me. Guiding me through my journey and warning me against my flaws. I hope I can fulfill my purpose soon and join those who are waiting in the world beyond to hold me once again.

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