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Dealing with loss

It has indeed been quite a while since I posted the thoughts on my mind. It is easy, for those like me, to lose ourselves in the flow of events and find in us the courage to reconnect with what we are forced to leave behind. It is as painful as looking into the mirror, for I am no longer sure of what I am going to see. Yet, I know that it is important to return to any semblance of an identity. For me, returning to this blog is a reminder of who I was, who I am and what I capable of.
There has been yet another loss. It is strangely stifled though, the pain. Perhaps it will reveal itself to me at a time when I might not be in a condition to handle it. In the series of events of my life, this seems very likely. Till then, I simply have to wait and perhaps, try to prepare myself for what I will face. Fir now, the physical agony is enough to dominate my mind. I am trying to deal a little differently with it this time. Keeping off the alcohol, despite the pain and though I do not have much of a soul left to pray with, I do often tend to look up in hope of some mercy and perhaps... forgiveness. It is too early to ask for that though.
The events occurring around me are much larger than my mind's ability to comprehend and hence, I am simply letting my mind find its solace in the daily activities so that I can stand back and amaze at God's handiwork once the events have unfolded.
My relatively calm mind is what scares me more than ever, it has never been a good sign for me not to have an outburst. I am sure it on its way, perhaps my body is way too weak to work up such a flare. I give it time, to nurse itself back to the point of breaking down again. And I cannot help but wonder, what I am going to take down with me this time and how much of my life I will be able to salvage once the dust has settled.

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