I have known for quite a while that chemical drugs simply don't go well with me. It induces a high that I cannot control and losing control over my physical being is of extreme discomfit to me. I have stayed away from chemical induced highs and the only rare occasions when I have indulged in them were only when I was drunk. Even then, the experience was anything but memorable. As the drug takes charge of my mind and forces me let go of control over my body, a defense mechanism takes shape to fight off the drug and retain control over the body causing a very disturbing pattern in my mind. In short, I get violent.
Having been an active surfer on Youtube for meditative chants and sounds that calm my mind, I came across a video called Digital Drug and was instantly intrigued. The effect of a chemical is, after all, to cause a particular pattern in the mind and the same can also be brought to effect by an aware mind using a stimulating piece of music. Having some time to spare, I clicked on the link and gave it a listen. I was quite taken aback by the effect. Of course, being a believer, I could say that I cannot really say that it was effective just as yet. I plan to carry the sounds home and give it a listen without any literature guiding me through the experience or telling me how to 'feel'.
Meanwhile, the collection on Youtube is quite an interesting mix. There are a variety of sounds aimed at stimulating a variety of responses: stress relief, anger management, boosting physical activity, boosting mental activity to the frequency of love and even sound for lucid dreams!! I found quite the lot from the clippings there. Though I have been using music to stimulate my mind for quite a while, it is amazing to find a different musical vocabulary that I had never explored before. This is definitely going to keep me returning to my computer for a long, long time.
Late in the night, I was sitting at my computer yet again (yes, production woes continue)when I see an ex-colleague online. We start having a mundane conversation and he asks me somewhere towards the end, "What is love? How is one supposed to feel when they are in love?" I couldn't give him an answer in complete honesty (he wasn't interested anyways) but I went back to re-feeling, if there is any such possibility, the feeling of being in love. The first time I actually felt love as a woman was on my first Valentine's Day with my husband. Since we spent most of our waking hours together, we had a pretty clear understanding of what we liked or disliked. Despite it being almost a year later, it was difficult to surprise each other. And yet, when he walked in through the door of the flat I used to live it, cake in one hand, flowers in another and a shy, reluctant smile on his face to let me know how bothersome the whole ordeal had been... I felt very special. He sat d...
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