Skip to main content

Turn off the radio


This has to be the end of the line humour for anyone who bothers to read. Last evening, a friend and I sat down to listen to the new version of Eminem's Love the Way you Lie. It was just a flicker of emotion on her face but I sensed it immediately. The memory of being through a violent kind of passion and with the very sense of it I realised yet another thing. The ugly beast inside me was smirking... I sensed how strongly I had repressed it's powerful claw and now, I realised I had failed and that it had found a broken piece of mirror to flow back into the reflection.

It took me three hours of non-stop prayers to find any semblance of peace this morning. The Satan as anyone who has been his prey knows, knows the best time to strike and like every year, these past seven years, today has always been the weakest day for me. And so, I looked up the internet to see the root of the evil and I realised that yes, there are numerous accounts of songs/tracks that I can bring under the umbrella of 'instant depression' buttons. Needless to say, most of these songs are so wonderful to behold that you would gladly give up your life just to hit the repeat button.

For as long as I can remember the title track of Tum Bin snapped a few chords quite rudely in my heart. Koi Fariyaad from the same movie song album was equally disturbing and despite their negative effect on my mind, I couldn't resist listening to them. I still get affected by both. Then there was Tanhai from the film Dil Chahta Hai. I am pretty sure singer Sonu Nigam didn't care about how suicidal he made me feel when he was trying to jusitfy the character's agony. But now, there's so much more in my kitty. The latest addition being Eminem and Rihanna's combined angst in Love the Way You Lie Part 2. Turns out I am not the only one who has been listening to Creep by Radiohead over and over again through the day. Several have done it before me, before taking the plunge to the sound of being weird.

So do me a favour today. Get up and turn off the radio before it turns off the bloody lights on me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Meaning of Love

Late in the night, I was sitting at my computer yet again (yes, production woes continue)when I see an ex-colleague online. We start having a mundane conversation and he asks me somewhere towards the end, "What is love? How is one supposed to feel when they are in love?" I couldn't give him an answer in complete honesty (he wasn't interested anyways) but I went back to re-feeling, if there is any such possibility, the feeling of being in love. The first time I actually felt love as a woman was on my first Valentine's Day with my husband. Since we spent most of our waking hours together, we had a pretty clear understanding of what we liked or disliked. Despite it being almost a year later, it was difficult to surprise each other. And yet, when he walked in through the door of the flat I used to live it, cake in one hand, flowers in another and a shy, reluctant smile on his face to let me know how bothersome the whole ordeal had been... I felt very special. He sat d...

What's in a dream?

I had happily passed the phase after the strange dream I had of a naked woman wrapped by a giant snake. Till a few minutes ago when a picture of the very vision I had, popped on the screen of my colleague (who sits next to me).. It was a page about Lilith. The true alter-ego of man and the woman God created before Eve. On reading some more, I understand that Lilith was way too explosive to sustain life on Earth and hence, she had to be destroyed. The tamer Eve took her place but Lilith, having been a resident of the Earth, left her traces behind. She had, in fact, borne Adam children.. a girl (I don't know why this sounds obvious) along with several various lesser forms of human (who were conveniently tagged as demon off-spring and their mother termed as a demoness) but since she was uncontrollable to Adam, she was banished. Adam and Eve continued their life on Earth. It is thus, a myth that all children were born of Adam and Eve alone... Lilith and her children prospered as well...

What I look forward to..

India's much too short autumn is breathing its last and the onslaught of the cold draught of wind stirs up an age-old foe, depression. I am not among the surprised ones this year. I have known all too well of the creeping hollowness that winters can bring. However, I must admit that I am surprised that instead of being on guard against the symptoms I have come to know very well. I find myself wielding a defiant shield against a recognised few. So here I am today, battling the horrors that make the ones I care about weak and try to help them overcome their fears and the only question that I face, like every other year, is.. What should I look forward to now? Do not misunderstand my anxiety for depression, let the insolence lie aside for a while. Sit, listen to me for once... for I have much to express. Life has been as exciting as I could have never possibly imagined. My understanding is so very limited that I simply give up in awe at the beauty of everything around me. It is tru...