No more tears

"

Perhaps you have reached the stage when life stops giving you and starts taking away

"

- Indian Jones and the Crystal Skull. Few, very few, have not been as lucky. There are those out there, like me, who have only learnt to let go. Whether we want to or not. To learn to love, only to lose - is a fate that I would not wish upon my worst enemies, even in my greatest rage. For that is a reality that I am still teaching myself to live with. There are those who believe this is an act of self-pity but believe me, after years of scornful speeches from well-wishers and watching them return in their own time to apologise for their insensitivity, I have learnt not to care. Those who try to understand might succeed but those that grow tired of only listening to my daily struggle to live a meaningful existence and more than welcome to walk out of the door - and they have. I will not wallow in the whole morbid recollection of all that I have lost this year, for the list continues to grow with the passing of each painful day. I had actually begun to think that I had finally managed to lose the sense of loss and pain and reached the absolute numbness till the news arrived. I heard this evening that a girl who had stayed with me for a few days has just lost her mom. Now, it wasn't just the regular sense of loss that hit me. I had never met her mother. She, in fact, had been anything but a welcome guest at my residence this time (she had stayed with me for a few days last year as well). Since my health failed me quite suddenly, I was forced to ask her to leave. Especially because my previous interaction had taught me that she wasn't particularly inclined towards rearranging her life or starting afresh. All she wanted, at that point, was to turn her misery into a reason to drown herself into a sea of sympathy and addiction. My concern for the girl herself is quite limited. My concern remains, and strongly so, for the mother. For all her years of nurturing for her child, what relief might she have found in seeing her daughter bent on destroying herself so? I do pray, quite earnestly, that the girl finds the strength in the face of this tragedy to collect her wits and move forward with grace and honour. At the core of the prayers, however, I hope that her mother finds peace and knows that her daughter will create and fulfill her own destiny. This is the point that brings me back to my life. Nothing much but the sense of deep relief that wherever they may be now, my parents can be assured that their child hasn't wandered too far from her path. In the occasions that she has, she has struggled to find her way back (and mostly has, I hope).