Skip to main content

From the silence

It's been quite a while being with myself. These are the happy times I could say, unlike the restlessness that I feel when I am with someone or even when I am with a group, desperately trying to fit in, knowing all the while that I never will and that in time, the connections, the warmth and the affections will fade. It would unfair to say that it doesn't bother me. Of course it does but I think I have just about sufficient human connect for now. I am struggling to make peace with the solitude every day. Keep my moods stable and reel in the outbursts that have welling up like a tornado within. There will be madness again soon but I want to relax for the time that I have for me right now. Funny, being in the present moment is an incessant struggle. For example, I know that is a Saturday night again and I am in a total party mode but all the same I am happy being in my space, listening to tracks that I would like to listen to instead of putting up with a mob's affection for mediocrity and deal with that comes along with it. If that's really so, why I am feeling bitter about it? ;) Had a nice conversation with a friend late last night w
here I shared my feelings on suddenly realising that I have grown-up. I can't deal with mediocrity and definitely not with stupidity. Being stupid is no excuse for an existence. I feel that those who encourage or even indulge stupidity are the actual criminals that deter the growth of a civilised society. Is it really wrong to expect grown ups to behave as grown ups? Does everybody's childhood fantasies have to be everyone else's problem? But then, that's what the films depict. Movies, the reflection of the society's psyche, still proves that we continue to revel in our immaturity. But I have already wasted so much time and energy thinking about what needs to be changed in society but to what effect? I'd rather make the most of this time to create my own identity, something to remember myself by. I am sure that too will change but how would I look back if I don't put it down in black and white. I thank myself again for returning to my blog again and again to write whatever is going on in my mind. I have seen so many give up. I am glad I am not one of them. I hope I never will be.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What I look forward to..

India's much too short autumn is breathing its last and the onslaught of the cold draught of wind stirs up an age-old foe, depression. I am not among the surprised ones this year. I have known all too well of the creeping hollowness that winters can bring. However, I must admit that I am surprised that instead of being on guard against the symptoms I have come to know very well. I find myself wielding a defiant shield against a recognised few. So here I am today, battling the horrors that make the ones I care about weak and try to help them overcome their fears and the only question that I face, like every other year, is.. What should I look forward to now? Do not misunderstand my anxiety for depression, let the insolence lie aside for a while. Sit, listen to me for once... for I have much to express. Life has been as exciting as I could have never possibly imagined. My understanding is so very limited that I simply give up in awe at the beauty of everything around me. It is tru...
Post a Comment
Read more

What's in a dream?

I had happily passed the phase after the strange dream I had of a naked woman wrapped by a giant snake. Till a few minutes ago when a picture of the very vision I had, popped on the screen of my colleague (who sits next to me).. It was a page about Lilith. The true alter-ego of man and the woman God created before Eve. On reading some more, I understand that Lilith was way too explosive to sustain life on Earth and hence, she had to be destroyed. The tamer Eve took her place but Lilith, having been a resident of the Earth, left her traces behind. She had, in fact, borne Adam children.. a girl (I don't know why this sounds obvious) along with several various lesser forms of human (who were conveniently tagged as demon off-spring and their mother termed as a demoness) but since she was uncontrollable to Adam, she was banished. Adam and Eve continued their life on Earth. It is thus, a myth that all children were born of Adam and Eve alone... Lilith and her children prospered as well...
Post a Comment
Read more

Never Back Down

I take the title of today's post from a movie I saw a few months ago during one of my trips. The idea is not to let circumstances get the better of me. To be able to resurrect, no matter who or what I face and always, find my way back to the starting point from which I can make it all right again. No need to say that this is much easier typed than done. Going by the number of distraction that I face on a daily basis, the real challenge is to keep my focus. To analyse on an every day basis where my destination lies and how much I have been able to fare in the span of time alloted to me. It's never easy, considering telling a lie to myself is always an easier option but that's the real fix, being honest to oneself. We all like to believe that we do not tell lies. But is that really the case? Are we truly capable of being absolutely honest with ourselves. If we did, wouldn't that be the foundation of a utopian society? Or a perfect human being? The ability to be honest a...
Post a Comment
Read more