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From the silence

It's been quite a while being with myself. These are the happy times I could say, unlike the restlessness that I feel when I am with someone or even when I am with a group, desperately trying to fit in, knowing all the while that I never will and that in time, the connections, the warmth and the affections will fade. It would unfair to say that it doesn't bother me. Of course it does but I think I have just about sufficient human connect for now. I am struggling to make peace with the solitude every day. Keep my moods stable and reel in the outbursts that have welling up like a tornado within. There will be madness again soon but I want to relax for the time that I have for me right now. Funny, being in the present moment is an incessant struggle. For example, I know that is a Saturday night again and I am in a total party mode but all the same I am happy being in my space, listening to tracks that I would like to listen to instead of putting up with a mob's affection for mediocrity and deal with that comes along with it. If that's really so, why I am feeling bitter about it? ;) Had a nice conversation with a friend late last night w
here I shared my feelings on suddenly realising that I have grown-up. I can't deal with mediocrity and definitely not with stupidity. Being stupid is no excuse for an existence. I feel that those who encourage or even indulge stupidity are the actual criminals that deter the growth of a civilised society. Is it really wrong to expect grown ups to behave as grown ups? Does everybody's childhood fantasies have to be everyone else's problem? But then, that's what the films depict. Movies, the reflection of the society's psyche, still proves that we continue to revel in our immaturity. But I have already wasted so much time and energy thinking about what needs to be changed in society but to what effect? I'd rather make the most of this time to create my own identity, something to remember myself by. I am sure that too will change but how would I look back if I don't put it down in black and white. I thank myself again for returning to my blog again and again to write whatever is going on in my mind. I have seen so many give up. I am glad I am not one of them. I hope I never will be.

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