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Rest in Peace

I don't think I can ever stop talking about my bizarre and mostly non-existent sleeping habits. From not being able to sleep a wink for five days at a row and then collapsing into two continuous days of a world-weary slumber, to being groggy all the time despite having sufficient sleep. At times, I felt that life chose to put me to sleep in accordance to its plans but I don't think that is the case any longer, for my patterns do not make sense now. A new facet, a thought is developing in my sleep-induced mind. I need a dream. Like a mirage.. that will excite and prod me through a phase that I am going through.

Like I always say, it is impossible to master the shades that life has to offer and that is exactly what makes life such a good teacher. There is nothing as unpredictable as life and as a true follower of the same, I understand the complicated soul that I seem to become in the eyes of those who choose not to believe. It is impossible for me to imagine myself content in living a routine life or following a set pattern at all times... Come to think of it, I cannot even follow the same state of mind for one complete hour on good days. On bad days, it shrinks to a matter of a few minutes. I quite enjoy being that way... especially when I am allowed to go on at my own pace (possible only when I am single, relationships are pathetically confusing to me). I explore, experience and exhale at my leisure, though not at the cost of anyone's discomfit. There, I take great pains to explain my shift in moods to ensure the least possible damage.

Let me not deviate from my subject this evening, dreams. Let's take, for instance, a dream I had a few days ago. One of a giant snake coiled and ready to strike with its tongue flickering threateningly (think Nagini of Harry Potter).. I had not recovered from the effect of this dream when I had a subsequent dream... one of the same snake striking me. Jaws wide open (side profile, again in slow motion - like a Nat Geo docu.. I could actually feel the cold venom slipping into the tip of its teeth, aimed at its target.. still gives me the chills. I waited with bated breath for the reflection of the dream to make its way into my life, with no results. Finally, this morning I had - what I hope is - the final chapter of the dream. That of the tail of snake as it slithered away from me in haste. Trust me, when you are stuck in the abyss of such life-like dreams that follow patterns of their own and tease the mind unforgivingly.

It is impossible to keep a track of my thoughts at this moment and I can sense the weight growing on my eyelids. So much for today..

Comments

  1. RanjanAugust 6, 2011 at 4:35 AM

    good to hear that the tail was the end of the serpent tale..

    for most part i do feel like my life is just a random collection of fragmented pieces of emotions, relationships, moments, people.. but in times when i feel truly alive i can sense that that it's not fragmented at all.. there's a hidden or discreet line of thread pulling together each of these moments in life somehow..

    i'd like to think i've grown to realise and to appreciate what my life is and those who form a part of it.. i'm understanding the necessity to appreciate the gifts one has been bestowed upon and to accept them wholeheartedly.. i no longer shy away from my writings, i give it the due importance..

    to have an ability in you and to not accept it is the worst thing one can possibly do to oneself..

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